Travelling as a single parent: what it’s really like

Even before my daughter was born, my ex-boyfriend and I had discussed taking her with us on a work trip of his to New York when she would be a few months old. Not for a minute did I want to let becoming a mum stop me from seeing the world – one of the things I loved the most – so I couldn’t wait to set off as new family of three

I knew that travelling with a newborn was meant to be far easier than later on when they are on the move and slightly more unpredictable. But like so many aspects of parenthood, what you read in the books and what you get in reality can be two very different things! I hadn’t factor in the temperament of my new little daughter, who suffered from colic, played fast and loose with nap time and for a (thankfully) brief stage screamed at the sight of my boob – no one told me that was on the cards!

But the biggest thing I didn’t foresee was the break-up with her dad, which meant that while his trip to New York went ahead, we weren’t with him. While I’d always known I’d keep travelling as a mother, I hadn’t ever imaged always being the only parent present. Holidays look very different to what I’d pictured

And it’s not a case of her sometimes going away with him, sometimes with me. My daughter doesn’t see her dad regularly which means the idea of them going on holiday together is out of the question. So for the foreseeable, it’s just me and her

In the weeks after I first became a single mum, I remember one of my more ridiculous fears was that I might never get to go on holiday again. (I know, break out the tiny violins). That the opportunity to travel would be denied us, because of a combination of finances, not being keen to travel alone and not wanting to impose ourselves – third and fourth wheel style – onto another family

Yet I’ve since found that, while not as straightforward as planning a family holiday with two parents, there are definitely still ways to show my daughter the joy of discovering new countries and cultures. I was just as determined to ensure that she has great memories of us travelling together throughout her childhood as I had been before the split from my partner. I knew wanted her to experience the world like I have – try new cuisines, speak new languages and learn new history. I want her to be well-versed in the globe, and to know her Puglia from her Pula. Being a solo parent wasn’t going to get in the way of that

The first opportunity arose shortly before her first birthday, when I rented a villa in Corfu with a group of eight friends. Having multiple pairs of hands to help carry our gear through the airport was invaluable – as was having multiple sets of eyes on my wild child. That said, it still didn’t stop her climbing out of her highchair onto its table, which promptly fell to the floor – no number of parents couldn’t have predicted that one!

I also learnt to reframe my mindset to look at the positives of our set up. While I had my sister to play with when I was on holidays growing up, I was always jealous of people who travelled en masse with their cousins or friends, so it’s been a real joy to be able to give my daughter memories like that. In Corfu, we were with another baby who is six months older than her – the two even shared their first kiss together, though I’m not sure they’ll remember it!

The point being that the sense of shared experience and fun doesn’t have to come from a sibling or a classic nuclear family. It’s what you make it and you can do that with anyone you choose – something I’m realising more and more

This summer I am joining my friend, her husband and their two children on a trip to Disneyland in Paris, which they kindly invited me on. As my friend assured me, my inclusion was as much a benefit for her as it was for me, with our two girls able to play together and keep us sane in the ‘Happiest Place on Earth’. I’m not the ‘third wheel’ I worried I would be after all

It’s also a joy to be able to go on intergenerational holidays together with my mum and sister, creating memories for them too, as we have done in Gran Canaria and St Tropez recently. Would we have done that if I’d had a partner in tow? Maybe, but then again, we might not as he might not have wanted two other women on holiday with him. Being single has given me the opportunity to really embrace time with those who are so special to me and to my daughter

Again, the spare pairs of hands are invaluable, as is having somebody to have adult conversations with –  whether that’s when you’re playing with your toddler in the pool or over the breakfast buffet. Speaking of, having another adult around when you’re attempting to get plates of smoked salmon, toast and fruit for your tiny dictator and yourself is infinitely easier than doing it alone. I’ve racked up my 10K steps over breakfast alone when I’ve travelled solo – that’s how many trips it requires when you can’t leave your offspring in anyone else’s charge

I also now very readily accept and ask for help. Generally, people are kind and want to give you a hand. Once on a flight, I was stuck with my daughter fast asleep on my lap after we had landed, but needed to somehow get my foldaway pushchair down from the overhead, get it off the plane, and put it up, without waking her. Thankfully, a kindly woman offered to help, even putting the pushchair up for me

We’ve also been to Iceland on a ‘girls trip’ (a phrase I taught our three 3-4 year olds to say on the count of three with a ‘cheers’), an experience which reminded me of how far I’ve personally come travelling alone. Seeing my friend doing the dance of pushing a suitcase and a pushchair through the airport, convincing her little girl to go through security and navigating toddler tantrums without dad’s back-up, showed me that I’ve become a true pro at all of this. Yes, I was a little smug

We’ve also been on a mum and baby yoga retreat, a truly magical experience in the Tuscan mountains which introduced me to other mums with babies of a similar age. In the mornings, the women did yoga together while the children were in the creche, usually doing a range of arts and crafts, before we were all reunited after a grown-up lunch to spend the afternoon together doing whatever we wanted

Having the option of having some quality alone time is so important to recharge your batteries as a parent, especially as a single mum. It’s this that has also been invaluable to me when travelling with family and friends, who will allow me an hour off here and there to go to the gym, have a massage, or simply get a margarita at the adults-only pool. When you don’t have a partner to tag team with getting a bit of downtime on your own is something you have to plan more carefully than just saying ‘your turn’ and walking out of the hotel room door, but it can be done

There are woefully few options for specific single parent holidays, and certainly none that I’ve found that are highly recommended or well-known, and to be honest, I’m not sure it’s something that I’d want to do anyway. If I’m spending time and money, I want it to be with those I love – although I appreciate that for those who don’t have anyone to travel with, these might be an appealing option

Family holidays are some of the defining memories of my own childhood. I was fortunate enough to grow up with parents who could afford to take us on holiday. My dad was fascinated by America (this was the ‘90s after all, who wasn’t?) and from the age of five myself and my younger sister were whisked there. I remember being excited by the prospect not just of the holiday itself, with Disney World in Florida of course being a major highlight, but also the air travel, including the activity books I’d do on the plane, or the cartoons I’d watch

There are memories of other wonderful trips too. Getting my hair braided with colourful threads in Spain or Greece. Buying floats and buckets and spades from the endless convenience stores selling them en route to the beach. Wearing a t-shirt to the water park in Cyprus because I’d gotten sunburnt the day before

This early exposure to new places ignited a passion in me for travel that took me to the likes of Thailand, Mexico and South Africa in my late teens and twenties. So in many ways, it’s unsurprising that as a mother myself now, I want to recreate those magical childhood holidays for my own daughter. I know truly understand how much my mum and dad loved giving that to me and my sister

The only difference for me compared to my parents is that doing it all alone as a single mother. I’d always imaged seeing the world with my own kids one day and I absolutely believe that being a single parent should not be a barrier to that. Yes, more careful planning (not least with budget) is required –  something that’s true of solo parenthood in general – but you can still have amazing, fun times with your children. I’m especially excited about the adventures we will have together when she’s older, with Japan high up on my list for us